Two very different labours of love - my Homebirth VBAC

Birth

I still can't believe my body created a life, from the little hairs on her head, her eyes full of wonder and fingers gripping mine so tight. The human body is such a thing of wonder and to think that mine made another, is something that I find awe-striking every time I look at either of my daughters.

I have a new found respect for my body all over again after giving birth this time without any intervention, at home and simply with the support of my husband and two home-birth team midwives. Empowering doesn't even start to sum up how it felt to feel my baby come into the world, to catch her in my arms and look down to welcome her. To cuddle her skin to skin and to never have to leave her side. For all births we must be brave, but what I am most proud of is that I did it my way this time around. I trusted my body, I trusted my baby. I knew if anything was not as it should be, myself or the midwives would pick up on it. We may think we do not know how to labour but our bodies do. Not every woman can have a birth like I did, but I would say to all expectant mums, believe in yourself. Read all the literature, listen to all the professional advice, but above all, listen to your body. Just as new born babies are a thing of wonder, birth is too. I am in awe that my body made a baby, and feel such respect that it could labour the way it did. After having my vAbAC Homebirth, when people ask me “how was the labour?”, I say “brilliant!”. They are shocked (their faces are usually quite a picture!), but it was, it truly was. What an incredible experience. From experiencing two very different labours, having had both an Emergency C-section and vaginal Homebirth, I think having belief that it will all turn out ok is the only real way to navigate through this life changing but completely human and natural experience. Channelling your inner strength and being brave (because you are an amazing human being, capable of more than you will ever know) and courageous - drawing on the knowledge that billions of women have walked this path before. Surround yourself with professionals you trust and someone you love, and take control - in any big or small way you can. This is your body, your baby, your birth.


Below I have written out a short account of my first labour, and then a more detailed description of my home birth. This is one small drop in an ocean of labour and birth experiences the world over - but for all the mums and mums to be out there, here it is for what it is worth.

My first labour:

22 October 2014

My due date was the 24 November. I had just finished full time work 5 weeks prior to it on the Friday. After celebrating my birthday and trying to unpack that weekend (I had bought a new house and only moved in two weeks ago) I was pretty exhausted. I had swollen ankles and feet and looking back I was clearly doing way too much. Just four days in to my maternity leave on the Wednesday at 6am I woke up as my waters broke in bed in a large gush. I was 35 weeks pregnant, we phoned the hospital, gathered some things in a bag (I hadn't packed a proper hospital bag - that was on my long list of jobs to do once I finished for Mat leave - including build the cot, paint the nursery, unpack the whole house). We reached hospital around 8am and went on to the Maternity Assessment ward. The midwife somehow didn't pick up that my baby was breach. I used a TENs machine and bounced on a ball behind a curtain. My contractions slowly increased. By around 12 noon I was told a bed was available on Delivery Suite. I was asked if I could walk along the corridor and said I could. I stopped at intervals to have contractions and really felt labour come on fast. Once in the room I was told that they were wishing to take me to a nearby hospital that had more 'transitional care' beds, as they didn't have any available and as my baby was premature I would need one, so it would be better for me to give birth in that hospital, rather than be transferred afterwards. I said 'the baby is coming - I don't think I'll be going anywhere'. But as a first time mum the midwife just said. "Well the consultant will have to examine you first before putting you in an ambulance so will check how far along you are." They examined me and could feel the babies feet. I was fully dilated and my baby was footling breach. Everyone was in shock. The doctors explained I could have a spinal anaesthetic (recommended for footling breach) and a C-section might be necessary, but I expressed my wish to try for a vaginal birth if at all possible.

I signed the paperwork and had the spinal in the operating theatre. I concentrated on what I needed to do in that moment, it was all happening so quickly. My husband put his scrubs on and joined us in the operating theatre. I pushed hard - when the midwife told me I was having a contraction, for 45 minutes. At first the baby seemed to be coming, but after 45 minutes of squeezing every muscle in my body, as I couldn't feel what was happening, I was told things weren't progressing, and that baby was possibly stuck. As I had a spinal, we were under time pressure and the doctors explained they couldn't continue to let me push, as the anaesthetic would run out and they needed to leave enough time to give me an emergency C-Section. They explained that those lovely wonderful baby feet my husband had caught a glimpse of, would need to be pushed back, and then the C-section could go underway.

The Cesarean happened quickly. They announced I had a baby girl and took her to one side to check her over. She had an assisted first breath and then was fine. They wrapped her up and put a little green woollen hat on her. They brought her over and I stared in to her startled deep beautiful eyes for just a moment before she was placed in an incubator. She had bad swelling and bruising on her groin (some of my waters had gone in tiny amounts in the days before labour and she must have been bouncing) and large blisters on her feet (from the handling during the labour). She was 5lb 8oz though so a good weight. We then had two weeks in hospital. I had the longest wait of my life waiting to get in to a wheelchair so I could go and see her and have that first cuddle. I spent two very sleepless weeks, whilst her wounds healed and she had light therapy for jaundice. I was expressing milk and trying to breastfeed as often as possible when allowed to take her out of her incubator on special care. In between that she had an IU and then a gastric-tube for feeding (expressed milk when possible).

My body was in recovery after surgery and I trudged slowly back and forth up and down a corridor to see my daughter day and night for the first week, until we were moved for the second week on to transitional care. She was then by my side, but we had no peace, just a curtain between us and half a dozen other babies and new mums. The staff were all amazing, and very supportive, but I was a complete exhausted wreck. I was emotional, and both physically and mentally I think it was my toughest time to date. My husband had to come and go each day, and those long lonely nights are something I will never forget. Nor will I forget holding my little babies hand through that incubator window, and being in complete awe of the mums who had to experience that for not weeks, but months.

29 December 2016

My second child Betsy is born. 

Betsy - my second daughter, came in to the world, at home, smoothly and calmly after four days of warming up - my body having contractions from every hour to every 5 minutes coming and going in waves from Christmas Day. 

I was considered 'high risk' for a Home Birth because I had had a previous C-Section. But I read all of the guidance, and the main risk of uterine rupture, was something I was well aware of and that was not increased by location of where labour took place. Because of my close proximity to two hospitals I decided to plan my home birth. It was what I had wanted for my first daughter, and because of her early arrival (and positioning) I didn't come close. I talked to the consultant - the reason my first daughter was early was still a mystery (I put it down to increased stress in my life, doing too much in last trimester of pregnancy). But my Cesarean scar was in a good position so I had no increased risk of uterine rupture and no reason why I couldn't have a VBAC. 

The Home Birth Team did a full risk assessment with me, and explained all of the risks and difference's thoroughly. The main one was access to monitoring, as I couldn't have continued monitoring at home, but to be honest I did not want continued monitoring anyway. I felt that the midwife checks were enough and as I would have two dedicated midwives with me in labour, I would be monitored closely by midwife - rather than machine. I felt particularly reassured as they and I would be on 'high alert' - looking for any sign of anything unusual in labour. I knew that any sensation of pain in between contractions was a red flag too and trust was a big part of making my decision. It was a difficult decision to make, and I didn't take it lightly, but I weighed up all the pros of having a home birth and the risks, and felt like I trusted my body to birth, and my midwives to make the call should I need to go to hospital. Upon their advice (and they explained how they would err on the side of caution) I would of course go straight to hospital. But when it came down to it, I wanted to labour at home, and if at all possible give birth at home. After my first labour I was through with hospitals. They had given us the care we needed, but that experience helped me to truly see and appreciate the importance of what is familiar; of quiet and peaceful surroundings, where those precious few minutes and days can be spent bonding, uninterrupted my regulatory checks, protocol, and paperwork.

Me and my husband walked the local woods and parks in those four days of labour. But my baby came in her time, as she intended. I always tried to keep in mind something a midwife once told me - remember it is you AND the baby going through the labour, you can make all the plans you want - but they will decide how and when they arrive. My pacing and bouncing on a birthing ball, and the hot curry did nothing to speed up my slow early labour. As each 24 hours passed I noticed a pattern, I would wake with intense contractions at 3am and by mid morning they had eased and became more and more spread out as the day went on. When my waters finally broke on the 28th December I thought my baby was on her way imminently, but unlike with my first labour (giving birth just 8 hours after my waters broke), this time my waters went slowly, with each contraction, rather than in one big gush. A Home Birth team midwife came out to see me and after an examination confirmed it was my waters, and that I had just 24 hours to have the home birth I had planned, as I would have to head in to hospital after that due to an increased risk of infection.

That night by midnight my contractions had slowed to one every hour again and I knew by 11.30am the next day I would be going in to hospital, so I needed my rest, for either my home-birth or a hospital birth. I managed to get some sleep in between my hourly contractions - they were big and woke me hourly until 3am. Just after 3am I woke - feeling nauseous and strange. My lower back ached and contractions kept coming on strong, following the same pattern I had experienced for the past four days, but this time it seemed different. My husband called the Home Birth team and they arrived for 4am (we live just 15 minutes away from our nearest hospital). I stayed upstairs in my bedroom, we had a pool ready downstairs (filled and covered from the night before) but I thought I could potentially now labour for a few more hours, so had my ball upstairs with me, fairy lights and relaxing music and planned to get in the pool later for some relaxation. I also paced to and from the bathroom, as my waters kept coming away. I took paracetamol. The Home Birth team arrived and didn't need to examine me - just a blood pressure and temperature check. The contractions were coming on so fast, after days of them I had become used to having a rest in between, but now they just built and built so quickly. I leaned on the walls mainly, sometimes on my husband and concentrating on my breath for each one. I tried to drink a little water. I had a TENs machine which helped a little but I was moving around a lot, so it became a nuisance. After a second midwife check up I was still upstairs. The two midwives gave me space, waiting downstairs in the kitchen until called.

The time passed very quickly then and I could feel an intense pressure in my pelvis. I called out with a low groan then, and the midwives came upstairs. Now was my chance to go down the stairs to the pool, but I was having so many contractions I didn't like the idea of descending the stairs one bit, I was staying put. I think as they say once you have made your 'nest' you stay in it, and mine turned out to be my bedroom. No way did I want to get on the bed though. I leaned on the wall, my legs shaking uncontrollably. The pressure increased and I knelt down, gripping on to my bed covers. I was so hot, asking for sips of water and a cold flannel for my forehead. In those last few contractions I felt on the brink of fainting, but I was so focused. The midwives and my husband offered me words of encouragement and support. And then she came, Betsy. Every drop of energy I had left I put in to those final few pushes, first her head and then one final (and compared to the first) easy push for her body. Caught by the midwife and laid on the towels beneath me. I sat back, I went to gather my baby up in my arms and moved the umbilical cord to discover I had brought another daughter in to the world. 

It was such an incredible moment I will remember forever. Betsy opening her eyes, her little tiny body, suddenly real, suddenly in my arms and on my breast. Warm and just perfect. We sat there a short while, with my husband kneeling beside me. He then cut the cord and the midwives prepared the bed. All three of us climbed in to our big double bed, what bliss. I held my daughter and began to say hello, both of us drinking her in with our eyes. The sheer relief my body felt after birth was amazing, pure ecstasy. There is nothing quite like it in the world I am sure. Everything that was meant to happen had happened and my daughter was healthy and soon bobbing around on my chest looking to feed. The midwives then gave us some time, and some tea and toast most importantly! They came back upstairs after a while to do my stitches on the bed - my husband then had his first proper cuddle with Betsy. The midwives offered me Gas and Air for the stitches, which I accepted (having not had anything but paracetamol and the TENs machine up until then!). It didn't seem to do much and the stitches did sting, but it was good to have something to bite on. 

My two experiences of labour could not have been more poles apart. Which is in part why I wished to share them. I guess my main message is this - anything is possible!  As the Home Birth team explained to me 'these are our guidelines, not yours'. Remember, guidelines, advice and expectations are different the world over - but the world is now a much smaller place, and it is you - the mother, who is best placed to make the most informed decision for your own birth. Happy birthing!